jedi_librettist | for middleoftheforce

Been closed his eyes, breathing heavily. He couldn't think. It was too much. He'd lost too much. He'd given up too much. He threw a hand behind him, unleashing a blast of the Force. There was a crash as the mirror shattered. The towels shredded. The towel bar groaned, cracked, and then broke. He let out a harsh sob and fell to his knees.

Solo stiffened on hearing the noises, pushing himself off the wall and towards the door.

"...Ben?"

"I'm fine."

The words are harsh, bitten out. Ben's voice is brittle. There's another sharp crack as the towel bar snaps again.

"...Really sounds like it."

Look, he cannot help the way the comment comes out, dry and knowing.

"You wanna open the door?"

No. No, he doesn't want to open the door. He wants to continue this until there's nothing left intact in the room. He hasn't had a spell like this since he was a teenager. But that's practically an order so he stands and opens the door, not meeting Bail's eyes.

It was not practically an order, but they can argue over that later on. He glances round, taking in the damage and shrugs.

"I was due to fix this place up anyway."

Ben hunches his shoulders in, trying to make himself seem smaller. It's completely unnecessary with his brother but it's easier to be scared and not hurt anyone than angry. He really should have better control than this. He doesn't understand why he lost it so badly.

Solo frowned at the action. He wanted to say something but he wasn't entirely sure what could be said here - he could tell a learned behaviour when he saw it. So instead he glances to the side, and shrugs.

"There's no glass on the floor. We're good."

Ben nods, still not meeting his brother's eyes. He should probably start cleaning up but he can't bring himself to move. This isn't right. Bail shouldn't just practically ignore what he did. That kind of thing already almost got them killed once. He destroyed part of the fresher. What's wrong with his brother that he's not doing anything about it?

"We need to get it cleared."

A bit of a frown at the thought. It's only pressing 'cause there are kids on board now, and those little brats can get into all sorts of mess if you take your eyes off 'em. He'll need to see about getting a new bar and a new mirror. Annoying, but easy fixes. And only annoying because he's never really had the patience for the smaller stuff.

Ben stares at his twin for a moment, incredulous. Why was Bail acting like this didn't matter? He turned away, screaming wordlessly, and lashed out at the mirror again. Shards scattered, falling across the sink and floor. Maybe now his twin would care like he should.

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

It's all he can think to say. Why was he deliberately lashing out?

His brother was finally reacting but it wasn't enough. He wasn't stopping him. Ben reached for the cabinet and ripped it from the wall.

"The fuck?"

Of course Solo isn't stopping him, he's got no idea what's happening or why. He can only stare in a horrified confusion.

"Ben, I wanna keep my ship in one relative piece. It's a piece of crap but it's mine."

Ben clenches his fist and a shelf snaps. He doesn't notice the tears slipping from his eyes. He can't answer. He can't form words right now. The confusion already crossing their bond just feeds his own. He's out of control like he hasn't been in years and there's no one to take over.

The anger at the way Ben is reacting is what hits Solo first and frankly, he's not much in a position to form words either. He can feel the confusion mixing with a rage that he's not entirely sure of the source of and ...

He lashes out. Not with the Force, but with his own fist.

Ben's head snaps back as the punch lands on his jaw. He sags against the wall, hand coming up to hold his face. Finally, his gaze lifts, relief flooding his eyes. He can breathe again. The galaxy makes sense.

The calm Ben feels isn't shared by his brother. Solo still looks pissed and turns on his heel, making his way back to the cockpit. Ben won't be able to get in.

"Bail," Ben calls after him. He pushes away from the wall. "Bail!"

The sight of his brother walking away makes something in his chest squeeze. He can't breathe. His chest won't move. He kriffed everything up already. He has to lean on the wall again. His hands tingle and his vision goes black around the edges. He eases himself back to the floor, resting his head on his knees, and reached for his twin.

He could hear his brother calling but all he could feel was the anger pounding in his head. In the cockpit he could force himself to sit, and think clearly. What had that all been about anyway? Ben wouldn't just lash out, not like that. Solo didn't think anything had been pushing at him but then...

He could feel the reaching, through the Bond, and just frowns in its direction. No. Maybe not. Right now, he was still too... too wound up.

Tears flow unnoticed down Ben's face. He doesn't pay attention as a keening sound escapes his throat. He can't do this. He just can't. He has to. He frowns. Where did that come from?

Solo closed his eyes, leaning back in the pilot's seat with a clear sense of trying to force himself to calm down. Maybe he unintentionally began pushing the feeling of calm down through their bond, but he wasn't focused on much except calming down.

Ben felt like he was shaking. There were some feelings of calm coming through the bond but Bail was still gone, still angry, still rejecting him. His stomach twisted. He uncurled from the ball he'd ended up in and made his way to the toilet just in case. He was so hot all of a sudden. He needed his brother.

Solo stared at the controls, taking them off auto to give himself something to do for a bit. Messages coming through made him frown and he clicked on to a system.

"So. People on board? We're gonna have to jump to hyper. There's a hail gone up about you all. Strap in or ... find something to hold on to."

He clicked off, and began to do what he could to give them a brief bit of time to gt ready before the jump

Ben gagged, panting. He closed his eyes, trying to force the nausea back but his stomach convulsed again.

The announcement made him jump, what felt like an electric shock pulsing down to his hands. No. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't go back. Bail probably wouldn't even try to stop it after what he did. The world around him seemed to fade away. He couldn't deal with it. It was all he could do to keep breathing and not lose what little food he'd eaten.

for middleoftheforce

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